I know this is going to sound a bit weird and there's a fear that I'm going to come across a bit 'woo woo' but I do feel I've had signs from Oli. Whether this is from pure desperation or simply trying to put two and two together and coming up with nine hundred and forty six, I don't know. All I can tell you is that yes, they probably could be explained through complete rationality, but they are unusual and timed at moments when I needed them most and, most importantly, ma

It's been a relatively good week. I've generally been on good form, kept busy and felt like I could cope with my new, not asked for and definitely didn't want, life. Until today. Today feels like a heavy weight has been tied around my neck as I drag grief around with me. The weather is wet, grey and windy and it's the 1st December. Christmas songs have started on the radio and I realise with a new wave of despair that the next month is going to be complete hell.

Last week was a week of glorious highs and pain crushing lows. Monday and Tuesday were probably my worst days to date, as my previous post will testify but Wednesday was better. I was invited to a lovely Hen Do (do not picture a bunch of twenty to thirty somethings in tutus and a tiara waving plastic willies around - this was sophisticated!) where I met some new people; had a fab meal at a local hotel and watched Mama Mia in a private cinema where everyone got up and dan