Friends..
The following is a piece I found in my old notebook whilst I was looking for other things.. I'm not sure of the exact date it was written but it was sometime in May 2025. I wish you could see where I'm writing this. I'll post a picture but I'm not sure it will do it justice. I'm on a double swing seat with a plump cushion, facing the sun and the sea. In the distance I can see Gull Rock and in the foreground I can see my messed up garden which is in the middle of being la
5 hours ago5 min read
The Scillies!
I haven't written for a while and there is much to catch up on. I'll write a series of posts rather than try and capture it all in one as it's a real mix of emotions... but let me start with the Scillies... the World Pilot Gig Championships which has been my main focus for the last six months and which has, for the most part, kept me sane. When my friend, Kerry, first asked me to be part of a crew to take part in the World Champs I jumped at the chance. She came round to
May 145 min read
Cheer up, luv! FFS!
Christ Alive! When will this constant hurt ever end? We are ramping up to go to the Scillies tomorrow for the World Pilot Gig Championships and so I have driven up to Hampshire, to my parents, to drop Mary off to stay with them until I'm back. I hadn't realised just how dependant I had become on Mary, my Rhodesian Ridgeback. I had always thought that the relationship was a bit one sided with her needing me more than I needed her but as the thought of leaving her sett
Apr 293 min read
Birthday Eve!
It's the eve of my birthday and I have been known to be dramatic so give me a bit of room here. When Facebook tells me that I have 'memories to look back on today' it fills me with a dread now. It's the sort of dread that is compulsive.. it draws me towards it knowing that there's heartbreak on the other side.. especially when it says 'you have memories with Oliver Madge to look back on today'.... Our first weekend of moving our stuff to Portscatho (2024); Holidays in th
Apr 223 min read
Focus!!
The six month mark of the passing of my husband was a biggy for me. I realise now that I'd been thinking about it for months.. ever since I read somewhere that it is common for the six month mark to be the worst in terms of feeling the loss and grief. It became a bit of a monster in my head and as such delivered in terms of being an emotional day. I have to say, I think I peaked early in terms of grief. I think I hit rock bottom around 4 and a half months in... that's
Apr 173 min read
A letter to my love.
My Gorgeous Boy, Six months.. it's been six months since you left me entirely. I say entirely as we both know, I lost you way before then. There's a song with the lyrics; I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met. I listen to it now and again, not too often as it makes me cry.. but the lyrics fit us perfectly. I thought I'd writ
Apr 145 min read
Breathing
It’s funny how life continues to throw you curve balls, even when you think it’s already dealt its most deadly blow. But it does. I haven’t written much on the blog over the last few weeks and that’s mainly because I’ve been feeling…. well…. OK. And that in itself feels really fucking weird. I still miss Oli with every ounce of my being but 7 times out of 10 it doesn’t bring me to tears or crush me so I am a crumpled heap on the floor, instead it just makes me ache a
Mar 243 min read
