We Are Family

The following post was written on 13th September, 2024. Oli had been diagnosed for two months and had started Chemotherapy. His life expectancy without treatment was 4-6 months but with treatment could be up to 2 years. I was trying to come to terms with how our lives had changed and what this meant for Oli, but also for me. Growing up, I always wanted a big family. I was part of a pretty fab team of five, Mum, Dad and my two sisters, but I always dreamt that when I

8 hours ago2 min read

Monday Blues

It's Monday morning. 16th February - my niece's birthday and she has come to visit for the weekend with her boyfriend. It's been fun to have them here although I am feeling slightly jaded from the effort of keeping up with them on the drinking front. The empty bottles stacked by the fridge in the kitchen tell me that we had a bottle of Champagne, 2 bottles of red wine and half a bottle of Port last night and that was after a visit to the pub where Bloody Marys were consu

9 hours ago4 min read

Reasons to be cheerful... 1, 2, 3.

I'm writing this as a bit of an experiment. I had a bad day yesterday. My parents left to go home mid morning and instead of bustling around the house sorting things out, doing a bit of decorating or taking the dog for a walk, I drew the curtains at 10.45am, got a blanket and lay on the sofa ALL DAY watching shite Rom Coms. I ate two bags of sweets; a chicken mayo sandwich and some cold roast potatoes; drank 4 mugs of tea and cried five times.. at approximately 3.30 my

6 days ago4 min read

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We Are Family

The following post was written on 13th September, 2024. Oli had been diagnosed for two months and had started Chemotherapy. His life expectancy without treatment was 4-6 months but with treatment could be up to 2 years. I was trying to come to terms with how our lives had changed and what this meant for Oli, but also for me. Growing up, I always wanted a big family. I was part of a pretty fab team of five, Mum, Dad and my two sisters, but I always dreamt that when I

8 hours ago2 min read

Monday Blues

It's Monday morning. 16th February - my niece's birthday and she has come to visit for the weekend with her boyfriend. It's been fun to have them here although I am feeling slightly jaded from the effort of keeping up with them on the drinking front. The empty bottles stacked by the fridge in the kitchen tell me that we had a bottle of Champagne, 2 bottles of red wine and half a bottle of Port last night and that was after a visit to the pub where Bloody Marys were consu

9 hours ago4 min read

Reasons to be cheerful... 1, 2, 3.

I'm writing this as a bit of an experiment. I had a bad day yesterday. My parents left to go home mid morning and instead of bustling around the house sorting things out, doing a bit of decorating or taking the dog for a walk, I drew the curtains at 10.45am, got a blanket and lay on the sofa ALL DAY watching shite Rom Coms. I ate two bags of sweets; a chicken mayo sandwich and some cold roast potatoes; drank 4 mugs of tea and cried five times.. at approximately 3.30 my

6 days ago4 min read

Exhausted

I'm struggling. I feel like I'm desperately trying to keep my head above water and yet my body is so tired that I keep bobbing under. I feel drained and shattered into a thousand pieces. I haven't admitted this to myself for so long. I've kept telling myself that I'm doing great and that I'm one of life's survivors... and I am... one of life's survivors that is.. but I am not doing great. My survival technique is to fake it until I make it. I have ever been thus

Feb 64 min read

Twenty two

I stupidly thought, after the success of Oli's birthday, that our wedding anniversary wouldn't be that bad. I thought, naively, that I would sail through it and be happy for the 21 years and nine months of marital bliss (almost all of the time) that we shared, but no. Grief, as I am finding out, is not the consistent entity that I thought it would be. It is fickle and comes and goes as it pleases. It hides around corners, waiting to ambush you just when you least exp

Jan 243 min read

January.... still.

I'm on the eve of another first. Tomorrow, 24th January, will be Oli and my wedding anniversary. 22 years... if you can count the last three months. And I'm counting them. I have felt no less of being Oli's wife these last few months than in the 21 years and 9 months before that, so I will be 'celebrating' the fact that I, at least, have been married for 22 years. I miss him. I think of him constantly. He is never out of my head - from the moment I wake up to when

Jan 233 min read

Finally!! Bloody dolphins!

It's been a good week, all in all. The day after Oli's birthday, two friends came to spend some time with me. These girls I have known for a very long time.. one since I was 5 (that's fifty years... although, catch me on a more devious day and I'll tell you it's 40 years) and the other since I was 15 or so. There is something very comforting about old friends such as these, especially ones that you spent your informative years with.. they've seen every side of you, expe

Jan 193 min read

Go West!!!

ABOUT ME

Middle aged woman moving to the West Country

Hello. I'm Lara. 55 year old, very recently widowed woman with a little baggage but not much. Bloody love crisps and wine.... and sweets.. but equally love rowing and yoga which helps.

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