Which way is up?

You'd be forgiven for being confused by my recent posts. One minute I'm upbeat and positive, the next in the bowels of despair. Believe me, I don't mean to confuse you and I'm trying to be as honest and transparent about my journey through this as I can. All I can tell you is that I'm just as much confused as you are. I cannot tell you from one day to the next how I'm going to be coping. This week just gone has been one of the hardest I've ever had to endure. I had no

5 hours ago3 min read

I am lost

It's 8.12am on Tuesday morning and I have a stinking cold. I woke up feeling more lost and alone than I ever have. My life stretches out before me, empty, cold and silent and I cannot see a way out. I miss Oli with every ounce of my being and really don't think I can do this without him. I have never known desperation like it. I literally have no idea what to do with myself. I don't know how to move forward and know, with such miserable clarity that I can't go ba

Feb 172 min read

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Which way is up?

You'd be forgiven for being confused by my recent posts. One minute I'm upbeat and positive, the next in the bowels of despair. Believe me, I don't mean to confuse you and I'm trying to be as honest and transparent about my journey through this as I can. All I can tell you is that I'm just as much confused as you are. I cannot tell you from one day to the next how I'm going to be coping. This week just gone has been one of the hardest I've ever had to endure. I had no

5 hours ago3 min read

I am lost

It's 8.12am on Tuesday morning and I have a stinking cold. I woke up feeling more lost and alone than I ever have. My life stretches out before me, empty, cold and silent and I cannot see a way out. I miss Oli with every ounce of my being and really don't think I can do this without him. I have never known desperation like it. I literally have no idea what to do with myself. I don't know how to move forward and know, with such miserable clarity that I can't go ba

Feb 172 min read

We Are Family

The following post was written on 13th September, 2024. Oli had been diagnosed for two months and had started Chemotherapy. His life expectancy without treatment was 4-6 months but with treatment could be up to 2 years. I was trying to come to terms with how our lives had changed and what this meant for Oli, but also for me. Growing up, I always wanted a big family. I was part of a pretty fab team of five, Mum, Dad and my two sisters, but I always dreamt that when I

Feb 162 min read

Monday Blues

It's Monday morning. 16th February - my niece's birthday and she has come to visit for the weekend with her boyfriend. It's been fun to have them here although I am feeling slightly jaded from the effort of keeping up with them on the drinking front. The empty bottles stacked by the fridge in the kitchen tell me that we had a bottle of Champagne, 2 bottles of red wine and half a bottle of Port last night and that was after a visit to the pub where Bloody Marys were consu

Feb 164 min read

Go West!!!

ABOUT ME

Middle aged woman moving to the West Country

Hello. I'm Lara. 55 year old, very recently widowed woman with a little baggage but not much. Bloody love crisps and wine.... and sweets.. but equally love rowing and yoga which helps.

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