Party Time!!
There is no doubt that I'm going through a tricky patch at the moment after a relatively good patch. During this relatively good patch, I thought it would be a really great idea to throw a party. Nothing fancy, just some mates in the garden with drinks and snacks. Oli and I loved to throw parties and, even though I say so myself, we were pretty good at it. Every year we would host a Crayfish Lunch where we would go out with my Mum and Dad on the Friday and catch Amer
Jul 232 min read
At some point....
I thought hit me this morning whilst out on my dog walk with Mary... at some point, this feeling isn't going to get easier, or better, it's just going to stay the same. Directly after Oli's death and during his illness, deep down, I knew that the pain I was going through was going to ease slightly over time. I knew it was never going to disappear completely but I knew that it wouldn't be as raw, gutteral and painful as it was. I knew time would wear away the edges of
Jul 222 min read
A Visit
The following was written on 14th May.. 7 months to the day Oli died. I didn't feel strong enough to post at the time but I do now... and I did.. I heard him. I heard him this morning. It's as if he came to me. It felt like he wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear 'I love you. You make me so happy.' And I felt his whole body wrap around me and envelop me. I whispered back, 'Thank you'. So grateful as I was to receive his message and his love.
Jul 222 min read
Backwards Step
I haven't written for a while... which I'm taking as a good thing. I only feel the need to write when I'm feeling compromised by my emotions.. by which I mean sad. That's not to say I have felt unsad.. I continue with my grief as always. I cry as soon as I wake up most mornings and think about Oli constantly, but I've kept myself busy and life has brought friends and laughter which always lightens the load. Today, however, I feel as if I've taken a massive step back
Jun 292 min read
Friends..
The following is a piece I found in my old notebook whilst I was looking for other things.. I'm not sure of the exact date it was written but it was sometime in May 2025. I wish you could see where I'm writing this. I'll post a picture but I'm not sure it will do it justice. I'm on a double swing seat with a plump cushion, facing the sun and the sea. In the distance I can see Gull Rock and in the foreground I can see my messed up garden which is in the middle of being la
May 295 min read
The Scillies!
I haven't written for a while and there is much to catch up on. I'll write a series of posts rather than try and capture it all in one as it's a real mix of emotions... but let me start with the Scillies... the World Pilot Gig Championships which has been my main focus for the last six months and which has, for the most part, kept me sane. When my friend, Kerry, first asked me to be part of a crew to take part in the World Champs I jumped at the chance. She came round to
May 145 min read
Cheer up, luv! FFS!
Christ Alive! When will this constant hurt ever end? We are ramping up to go to the Scillies tomorrow for the World Pilot Gig Championships and so I have driven up to Hampshire, to my parents, to drop Mary off to stay with them until I'm back. I hadn't realised just how dependant I had become on Mary, my Rhodesian Ridgeback. I had always thought that the relationship was a bit one sided with her needing me more than I needed her but as the thought of leaving her sett
Apr 293 min read
